I’m stating the obvious when I say that most of us would agree that improvements in sexual equality in the last 30 years or so have been a good thing.
The traditional model of a man going out to work and only seeing his kids to tuck them in at night while his wife runs the household is outdated and thankfully, a thing of the past.
Increasingly, legislation such as Shared Parental Leave has made it easier for men and women to apportion parenting and bread-winning duties more equally, so surely we are heading towards a Mecca where men and women are treated equally in the workplace and still get to spend plenty of quality time with the kids. Right?
Well, perhaps not. Research from The Campaign Against Living Miserably in 2016 suggested that 87 per cent of men wish they could spend more time with their children, while the gender pay gap is still alive and kicking – recent pay statistics revealed that almost 90 per cent of women work for companies that pay them less than their male colleagues.
And perhaps more pertinently, there is plenty more research that suggests men and women who ‘want it all’ (a career and to be a ‘present’ parent) often find balancing their work pressures with home life commitments unmanageable. So it begs the question…would a return to the traditional family model be such a bad idea after all?
Now don’t panic, I’m not advocating systemic sexism. Of course, men and women should have the same opportunities to pursue what they want, so it may be that it makes sense for a husband to be a home maker rather than his wife. And if they both want a career and a family, good luck to them on that front, too.
But with the benefit of being a forty-something with two kids, a company to run and a wife who has also owned her own business, I’ve seen both sides of the coin. Constantly chasing your tail with that nagging feeling you’re doing everything badly rather than a few things really well isn’t a great deal of fun but also means we aren’t making the most of ourselves.
Yes – two incomes mean you can buy more stuff; a bigger house, a nicer car, meals out every Friday but maybe a) we can live without some of those things and still be happy b) If one of you was the chief wage earner, taking some of the pressure off at home might enable you to earn more at work.
So are those of us that try to be a superstar at work and parent of the year at home, chasing something that impossible? Should we just be making the most of what we have already, whether that’s our job, our family, our friends. Mindfulness coaches call it being ‘present’ and it’s a skill that many of us are starting to lose.
It won’t be for everyone of course. I don’t even know if it’s for me to be honest. But I do wonder, if me and my wife accepted that ‘having it all’ isn’t for everyone, would we be happier because life would be simpler?
Maybe it’s time I gave the traditional family structure a reboot and found out.
